I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
