We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
ttyl tear gas
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
