I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
