I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
