Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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