what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
