the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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