Quick, to the slutcave!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
