your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
