Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
