WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
