never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
