xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
