He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
