The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
