you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
