Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
