Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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