I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That accounts for only three of the penises
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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