this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
