so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
