swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
