Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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