I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
