you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
