The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
