whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
