We won't sleep together?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
