so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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