I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I need to calm my uterus...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
