Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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