I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
