My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
