So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
and i looked up. we had an audience...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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