One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
