eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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