Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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