I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
