He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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