I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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