It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
