Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
