Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
