Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
