You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
