The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
