Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
