Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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