i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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