I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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