HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
