I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
